endless sex and fierce, shady egos.
Emanuel and I discussed Christ Like’s
resurrection and what gets him going
as a gay Latino writer.
CV: I wasn’t living in New York in the
1990s, but remember catching
glimpses of your fierce, gay street
warrior characters on my frequent
trips back. What do you think was the
allure of engaging in crime, for
minority, inner-city queer kids? The
1990s are documented as being a
time of economic expansion, but not
for everyone, right?
EX: Growing up in a city like [1970s-
1980s] New York exposes one to far
more violence than say growing up
in Beverly Hills. Developing a thick
skin is crucial for survival wherever
you grow up, but for minority inner-
city youth, options are sometimes
limited, so crime has a natural
appeal. Rebellion is in the air and queer youth are already supposedly going to
Emanuel and I discussed Christ Like’s
resurrection and what gets him going
as a gay Latino writer.
CV: I wasn’t living in New York in the
1990s, but remember catching
glimpses of your fierce, gay street
warrior characters on my frequent
trips back. What do you think was the
allure of engaging in crime, for
minority, inner-city queer kids? The
1990s are documented as being a
time of economic expansion, but not
for everyone, right?
EX: Growing up in a city like [1970s-
1980s] New York exposes one to far
more violence than say growing up
in Beverly Hills. Developing a thick
skin is crucial for survival wherever
you grow up, but for minority inner-
city youth, options are sometimes
limited, so crime has a natural
appeal. Rebellion is in the air and queer youth are already supposedly going to
www.ambiente.us JUNE | JUNIO 2009
Emanuel Xavier on Growing Up, the Ballroom Days and the
Resurrection of Christ Like
by Charlie Vázquez
I met Emanuel Xavier shortly after moving back to my native New York City in
2006 and I’m constantly floored by his gentle and sincere demeanor,
considering all the horrors he’s survived as a former hustler, drug dealer, and
victim of sexual abuse. The charismatic and prolific Mr. Xavier has crafted the
self-published poetry volume Pier Queen, the much-acclaimed Americano
(Suspect Thoughts, 2002), edited the anthologies Bullets and Butterflies: queer
spoken word poetry (Suspect Thoughts, 2005) and Mariposas: A Modern
Anthology of Queer Latino Poetry (Floricanto, 2008)—as well as the titan erotica
collection Best Gay Erotica 2008 (Cleis Press, 2007). Xavier is celebrating the ten-
year anniversary reprinting of his 1999 breakthrough novel Christ Like (Rebel
Satori 2009), a semi-autobiographical account of the myriad difficulties
plaguing “Mikey X”, his literary doppelganger. Christ Like follows Mikey’s
labyrinthine journey; from dealing with his teenage homosexuality to being
introduced to the 1990s Manhattan “pier” and “ballroom” cultures—with all of
their prickly side dishes of muscular heartthrobs, awkward heroes, plentiful drugs,
Emanuel Xavier on Growing Up, the Ballroom Days and the
Resurrection of Christ Like
by Charlie Vázquez
I met Emanuel Xavier shortly after moving back to my native New York City in
2006 and I’m constantly floored by his gentle and sincere demeanor,
considering all the horrors he’s survived as a former hustler, drug dealer, and
victim of sexual abuse. The charismatic and prolific Mr. Xavier has crafted the
self-published poetry volume Pier Queen, the much-acclaimed Americano
(Suspect Thoughts, 2002), edited the anthologies Bullets and Butterflies: queer
spoken word poetry (Suspect Thoughts, 2005) and Mariposas: A Modern
Anthology of Queer Latino Poetry (Floricanto, 2008)—as well as the titan erotica
collection Best Gay Erotica 2008 (Cleis Press, 2007). Xavier is celebrating the ten-
year anniversary reprinting of his 1999 breakthrough novel Christ Like (Rebel
Satori 2009), a semi-autobiographical account of the myriad difficulties
plaguing “Mikey X”, his literary doppelganger. Christ Like follows Mikey’s
labyrinthine journey; from dealing with his teenage homosexuality to being
introduced to the 1990s Manhattan “pier” and “ballroom” cultures—with all of
their prickly side dishes of muscular heartthrobs, awkward heroes, plentiful drugs,
| . |
| . |
hell. Throw in a broken childhood, a dash of prejudice, and the hustle and bustle
of one of the most infamous cities of the world and self-destruction is quite
seductive. The 1990s may have been a great economic time, but not for those
marginalized because of skin color or sexuality.
CV: I take it that the ballroom scene still exists to a degree? How involved are
you and how different is it nowadays, as compared to the 1990s?
EX: The ballroom scene is very much still alive. Like any community, great leaders
have passed away or moved on, but there’s always going to be someone ready
to step into the limelight. It’s just different because there are more safe spaces,
visible role models, and opportunities to communicate and create relationships
for queer youth. There will always be, however, a need for support and self-
expression. Trying to carve out a niche for myself as a writer does not,
unfortunately, lend itself to being more actively involved in the ballroom scene.
But I like to think that pursuing my dreams might inspire someone in the ballroom
scene to recognize that there is more to life than simply winning a trophy for
walking a runway.
CV: You mention (in the book’s introduction) your insecurity as a fledgling writer
when putting Christ Like together ten years ago. How do you feel about it now?
My theory is that a great storyteller is a great storyteller, period.
EX: I had no formal training or experience except for a self-published poetry
collection. I was written off as a ‘flash in the pan’ and I’ve never had an agent to
guide my career. I only had thick skin to survive the critics and convinced myself
that this book was worth publication. Before some privileged white artist
stepped in to exploit my life, I wanted to share my own experiences. They
probably would have reaped more benefits than I ever would, but I do feel
grateful to have been genuinely welcomed by the queer literary scene, let alone
having gotten this book published. I think it’s incredible when you get the
chance as a writer to revise something you put out in haste, because you were
given a unique opportunity. I don’t think I changed it much, just tweaked it here
of one of the most infamous cities of the world and self-destruction is quite
seductive. The 1990s may have been a great economic time, but not for those
marginalized because of skin color or sexuality.
CV: I take it that the ballroom scene still exists to a degree? How involved are
you and how different is it nowadays, as compared to the 1990s?
EX: The ballroom scene is very much still alive. Like any community, great leaders
have passed away or moved on, but there’s always going to be someone ready
to step into the limelight. It’s just different because there are more safe spaces,
visible role models, and opportunities to communicate and create relationships
for queer youth. There will always be, however, a need for support and self-
expression. Trying to carve out a niche for myself as a writer does not,
unfortunately, lend itself to being more actively involved in the ballroom scene.
But I like to think that pursuing my dreams might inspire someone in the ballroom
scene to recognize that there is more to life than simply winning a trophy for
walking a runway.
CV: You mention (in the book’s introduction) your insecurity as a fledgling writer
when putting Christ Like together ten years ago. How do you feel about it now?
My theory is that a great storyteller is a great storyteller, period.
EX: I had no formal training or experience except for a self-published poetry
collection. I was written off as a ‘flash in the pan’ and I’ve never had an agent to
guide my career. I only had thick skin to survive the critics and convinced myself
that this book was worth publication. Before some privileged white artist
stepped in to exploit my life, I wanted to share my own experiences. They
probably would have reaped more benefits than I ever would, but I do feel
grateful to have been genuinely welcomed by the queer literary scene, let alone
having gotten this book published. I think it’s incredible when you get the
chance as a writer to revise something you put out in haste, because you were
given a unique opportunity. I don’t think I changed it much, just tweaked it here
| . |
| . |
and there, and I’m excited about giving it a second chance.
CV: Any advice for young, aspiring writers whose odds seem against them?
EX: (Laughs) I always get that question. Nobody wants to hear that you should just
be passionate about your work because there is little-to-no money made from
publishing for queer writers, especially of color. Unless you could be the next E.
Lynn Harris or get your book optioned for film like Sapphire’s “Push”, it’s best to
keep writing for the sake of documenting our histories and enjoy whatever
comes from it without further expectations. The greatest reward is inspiring
others to share their own voices. Anything else that comes along is that much
more appreciated. I was supposed to end up a washed up pier queen, but I was
just in Belgium for a queer literary kinship symposium! I suppose I could say that my
life is a testament that anything is possible, no matter what limitations are
imposed on you by others.
CV: So tell us what we can expect from Emanuel Xavier in the future.
EX: I have a new poetry collection coming out this fall and, if things work out, I
might have other opportunities for reaching a wider audience. I’m still as
ambitious now as I was when I first started. The only difference is that I no longer
have to prove I could change my life around and that I am serious about
becoming a writer.
Amen, hermano.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Christ Like can be purchased at the Rebel Satori store: www.rebelsatori.
com/shop
Photo by: © Shirley Miranda-Rodriguez, Somos Arte, 2009 www.somosarte.com
CLICK HERE for more Charlie Vázquez
Copyright 2009|Ambiente. Do not reproduce without prior authorization.
CV: Any advice for young, aspiring writers whose odds seem against them?
EX: (Laughs) I always get that question. Nobody wants to hear that you should just
be passionate about your work because there is little-to-no money made from
publishing for queer writers, especially of color. Unless you could be the next E.
Lynn Harris or get your book optioned for film like Sapphire’s “Push”, it’s best to
keep writing for the sake of documenting our histories and enjoy whatever
comes from it without further expectations. The greatest reward is inspiring
others to share their own voices. Anything else that comes along is that much
more appreciated. I was supposed to end up a washed up pier queen, but I was
just in Belgium for a queer literary kinship symposium! I suppose I could say that my
life is a testament that anything is possible, no matter what limitations are
imposed on you by others.
CV: So tell us what we can expect from Emanuel Xavier in the future.
EX: I have a new poetry collection coming out this fall and, if things work out, I
might have other opportunities for reaching a wider audience. I’m still as
ambitious now as I was when I first started. The only difference is that I no longer
have to prove I could change my life around and that I am serious about
becoming a writer.
Amen, hermano.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Christ Like can be purchased at the Rebel Satori store: www.rebelsatori.
com/shop
Photo by: © Shirley Miranda-Rodriguez, Somos Arte, 2009 www.somosarte.com
CLICK HERE for more Charlie Vázquez
Copyright 2009|Ambiente. Do not reproduce without prior authorization.
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