Those youths identifying as LGBT are
more likely than their heterosexual
peers to experience feelings of
depression and low self-esteem.
Growing up within a society which
teaches them to hide, and even to
hate, their sexual orientation can be a
key factor in the increased instances
of academic failure, substance abuse
and suicide amongst members of this
group.
Surviving these teenage years intact
and negotiating the coming-out process is better achieved when a LGBT
individual has support and understanding from peers, family and friends. Just as
we should acknowledge and respect the spectrum of different cultural
backgrounds and religious beliefs, we should also advocate an atmosphere
where respect is given to all people regardless of sexuality. Parents, families and
educators can and should uphold their moral obligation to offer children
guidance on the true diversity that exists within society.
Schools and colleges need also to have in place policies which protect the
welfare of all students. These policies need to be vigorously upheld so that every
student is shown equal respect and support. Otherwise, there is likely to develop
a sense of disenfranchisement and a detachment from the learning experience,
which will inevitably result in poor achievement amongst this group of students.
more likely than their heterosexual
peers to experience feelings of
depression and low self-esteem.
Growing up within a society which
teaches them to hide, and even to
hate, their sexual orientation can be a
key factor in the increased instances
of academic failure, substance abuse
and suicide amongst members of this
group.
Surviving these teenage years intact
and negotiating the coming-out process is better achieved when a LGBT
individual has support and understanding from peers, family and friends. Just as
we should acknowledge and respect the spectrum of different cultural
backgrounds and religious beliefs, we should also advocate an atmosphere
where respect is given to all people regardless of sexuality. Parents, families and
educators can and should uphold their moral obligation to offer children
guidance on the true diversity that exists within society.
Schools and colleges need also to have in place policies which protect the
welfare of all students. These policies need to be vigorously upheld so that every
student is shown equal respect and support. Otherwise, there is likely to develop
a sense of disenfranchisement and a detachment from the learning experience,
which will inevitably result in poor achievement amongst this group of students.
www.ambiente.us MAY | MAYO 2009
NEVER BLEND IN | PART ONE
JOHN AMAECHI | RECOGNISING HIS SOUL IN THE DARK
Researched and Written by David Watters
The Deadliest of Sins
"Someday, maybe, there will exist a well-informed, well
-considered, and yet fervent public conviction that the most
deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit."
- Erik Erikson (1902-1994)
The transition through adolescence is challenging for many as this is a period
where identity is most vigorously being shaped. If, during this time, a young
person realizes that he/she is lesbian, gay, or bisexual the societal pressures can
be amplified.
These teenagers live in a world where heterosexist values are dominant, where
their sexuality is perceived as deviant, where there is a potential for verbal or
physical attack and perhaps rejection by family and the wider community.
NEVER BLEND IN | PART ONE
JOHN AMAECHI | RECOGNISING HIS SOUL IN THE DARK
Researched and Written by David Watters
The Deadliest of Sins
"Someday, maybe, there will exist a well-informed, well
-considered, and yet fervent public conviction that the most
deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit."
- Erik Erikson (1902-1994)
The transition through adolescence is challenging for many as this is a period
where identity is most vigorously being shaped. If, during this time, a young
person realizes that he/she is lesbian, gay, or bisexual the societal pressures can
be amplified.
These teenagers live in a world where heterosexist values are dominant, where
their sexuality is perceived as deviant, where there is a potential for verbal or
physical attack and perhaps rejection by family and the wider community.
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As we move through our teenage years into adulthood we all need visible and
positive representations of ourselves in the media and society in general. It is
necessary, not just for the validation of each LGBT individual but for social
progress that all cultures, genders and sexualities are fairly represented.
In mainstream movies and television LGBT characters are, on the whole, written
in an inoffensive two-dimensional manner; the gay best friend being a staple
favorite. Programs such as Will & Grace took sitcoms into a new area where gays
went from mocked to self-mocking. Healthy as it might be to have a sense of
humor about oneself, the joke soon gets old. Perhaps, due to the nature of this
genre, stereotyping is du jour because accurate depictions of any group are
simply not funny enough.
Thankfully, progress has been made in the area of serious television drama, with
well written shows such as The L Word and Brothers and Sisters, where LGBT
characters are given much more rounded identities and where their sexuality is
not the sole focus.
This phenomenon is not unique only to the LGBT community; society as a whole is
still presented, through our television screens, in very simplistic, non-challenging
terms.
We need to move beyond stereotypical and simplistic depictions, since these
merely touch the surface and limit our view of the true variety of characters
which make up the LGBT community.
It is also vital that other sources of affirmation, validation and inspiration are
available. One key would be a greater visibility of LGBT role models who can
present, through example, a wider palate of career and lifestyle options.
Former NBA star, writer, broadcaster, internationally renowned speaker, member
of LOCOG (London Organising Committee for the Olympic Games) Diversity
Board, sporting ambassador for Amnesty International, President of DSE (Disabled
positive representations of ourselves in the media and society in general. It is
necessary, not just for the validation of each LGBT individual but for social
progress that all cultures, genders and sexualities are fairly represented.
In mainstream movies and television LGBT characters are, on the whole, written
in an inoffensive two-dimensional manner; the gay best friend being a staple
favorite. Programs such as Will & Grace took sitcoms into a new area where gays
went from mocked to self-mocking. Healthy as it might be to have a sense of
humor about oneself, the joke soon gets old. Perhaps, due to the nature of this
genre, stereotyping is du jour because accurate depictions of any group are
simply not funny enough.
Thankfully, progress has been made in the area of serious television drama, with
well written shows such as The L Word and Brothers and Sisters, where LGBT
characters are given much more rounded identities and where their sexuality is
not the sole focus.
This phenomenon is not unique only to the LGBT community; society as a whole is
still presented, through our television screens, in very simplistic, non-challenging
terms.
We need to move beyond stereotypical and simplistic depictions, since these
merely touch the surface and limit our view of the true variety of characters
which make up the LGBT community.
It is also vital that other sources of affirmation, validation and inspiration are
available. One key would be a greater visibility of LGBT role models who can
present, through example, a wider palate of career and lifestyle options.
Former NBA star, writer, broadcaster, internationally renowned speaker, member
of LOCOG (London Organising Committee for the Olympic Games) Diversity
Board, sporting ambassador for Amnesty International, President of DSE (Disabled
Sports Events) and vice-President of EFDS (English Federation of Disability Sports),
John Amaechi, who now runs his company Amaechi Performance Systems (APS)
spoke with me recently about many of the points mentioned above, about his
time with the NBA, his best-selling book Man in the Middle, his role models and his
thoughts on how society can develop towards true equity.
John Amaechi
Interviewed 27 April, 2009-
Personally and Professionally what challenges have you faced, particularly during
your time with the NBA, what compromises did you have to make in your personal
life at that time?
“Playing in the NBA, like many jobs in America, is not basically compatible with
being a Gay person.” John then adds that it is still possible to be fired in the US
for having a non-normative sexual orientation and that there are “a great
majority of LGBT people who simply do not disclose their sexuality or don’t really
have a social life outside of work.”
Would it have been impossible for you to have “come out” during your time with
the NBA?
“I think so. I wasn’t a superstar by any means and I don’t think that I would have
been protected, certainly according to the law, I wouldn’t have had any legal
protection or standing. So, to me, it was too big a risk to take.”
In 2007, why was it important then to disclose your sexuality? Was this because you
had retired at that point from the NBA?
“It was a political thing as much as anything else, to decide to have a
conversation that hadn’t really been had in America regarding these workplace
John Amaechi, who now runs his company Amaechi Performance Systems (APS)
spoke with me recently about many of the points mentioned above, about his
time with the NBA, his best-selling book Man in the Middle, his role models and his
thoughts on how society can develop towards true equity.
John Amaechi
Interviewed 27 April, 2009-
Personally and Professionally what challenges have you faced, particularly during
your time with the NBA, what compromises did you have to make in your personal
life at that time?
“Playing in the NBA, like many jobs in America, is not basically compatible with
being a Gay person.” John then adds that it is still possible to be fired in the US
for having a non-normative sexual orientation and that there are “a great
majority of LGBT people who simply do not disclose their sexuality or don’t really
have a social life outside of work.”
Would it have been impossible for you to have “come out” during your time with
the NBA?
“I think so. I wasn’t a superstar by any means and I don’t think that I would have
been protected, certainly according to the law, I wouldn’t have had any legal
protection or standing. So, to me, it was too big a risk to take.”
In 2007, why was it important then to disclose your sexuality? Was this because you
had retired at that point from the NBA?
“It was a political thing as much as anything else, to decide to have a
conversation that hadn’t really been had in America regarding these workplace
issues. The fairness, the equity of having people who must choose between their
vocation and their social life.”
What was the response initially?
“An outpouring of very positive messages from people in general. Within the
sport, a number of people said very nice things about me to the newspapers;
players and coaches, but there was also a very vehement, outspoken minority
who made it very clear that they didn’t approve.”
I was aware of Tim Hardaway’s homophobic comments at the time and wondered
if John even wanted to discuss this anymore. I asked, were Hardaway’s comments
reflective of a general feeling within the sports world?
“No, no I don’t think his comments were reflective of a general feeling within the
sports world. He said things that a minority, a very vocal minority, of people
wanted to say. If anything, he was a spokesman of that tiny minority. That wasn’t
the majority of the messages that I received.”
I’ve heard you speak about the impact that those sort of comments can have on
Lesbian and Gay youths...
“Yes, indeed and it’s not just about LGBT people. That message has emboldened
other bigots and also people who are perceived as being different in lots of
different ways find themselves marginalized and under attack as well. As we’ve
seen tragically recently with two 11 year old boys in America who killed
themselves. There is no particular evidence that either of these two were gay
but simply the perception that they were effeminate or whatever else led to
their persecution.”
Did you receive good feedback from readers of your book, Man in the Middle?
vocation and their social life.”
What was the response initially?
“An outpouring of very positive messages from people in general. Within the
sport, a number of people said very nice things about me to the newspapers;
players and coaches, but there was also a very vehement, outspoken minority
who made it very clear that they didn’t approve.”
I was aware of Tim Hardaway’s homophobic comments at the time and wondered
if John even wanted to discuss this anymore. I asked, were Hardaway’s comments
reflective of a general feeling within the sports world?
“No, no I don’t think his comments were reflective of a general feeling within the
sports world. He said things that a minority, a very vocal minority, of people
wanted to say. If anything, he was a spokesman of that tiny minority. That wasn’t
the majority of the messages that I received.”
I’ve heard you speak about the impact that those sort of comments can have on
Lesbian and Gay youths...
“Yes, indeed and it’s not just about LGBT people. That message has emboldened
other bigots and also people who are perceived as being different in lots of
different ways find themselves marginalized and under attack as well. As we’ve
seen tragically recently with two 11 year old boys in America who killed
themselves. There is no particular evidence that either of these two were gay
but simply the perception that they were effeminate or whatever else led to
their persecution.”
Did you receive good feedback from readers of your book, Man in the Middle?
“Absolutely. A lot of people read it in a rounded way which is what I would have
wanted.”
The feedback from readers has been positive. It has had an impact on their lives.
Did you get any emails or letters from people that you feel you might have helped
by writing your book?
“It’s been people from all walks of life; people from the military, a lot of people
from sport...a lot of people who are setting out to do extraordinary and very
difficult things, the book resonates with them.”
Was it a cathartic thing to document your experiences?
“It wasn’t particularly cathartic. It was a hard slog in the midst of trying to do my
work. To go through the process of recalling and trying to order my thoughts of
16, 17 years ago. I think it was a valuable experience to do it and I think that the
product is one that I can be proud of.”
Do you think it is important for sports figures, musicians, politicians to come out at
the height of their careers. Perhaps to set an example of how successful you can
be in this world and does this benefit the LGBT community?
“I think having more role models is better. I think the idea that if everybody in
these top positions came out all at once would be a tremendous thing. There’s
an element of truth to that in an “Am I Blue?” type of way. The problem is, when it’
s just ten people there’s the tall poppy syndrome where I think we’d end up with
a lot of martyrs. It shouldn’t take people losing their lives or even losing their jobs
and, to me, the idea that a sportsperson would make, you know a football player
in Britain or a basketball player in America would make people change their
minds about homophobia seems absurd to me. When we’ve had young people
killing themselves on a daily basis. The evidence of that is in newspapers and on
the web every day and yet that seems not to pluck at the heartstrings of society.
If the death of an innocent doesn’t do it then why would a gay football player?”
wanted.”
The feedback from readers has been positive. It has had an impact on their lives.
Did you get any emails or letters from people that you feel you might have helped
by writing your book?
“It’s been people from all walks of life; people from the military, a lot of people
from sport...a lot of people who are setting out to do extraordinary and very
difficult things, the book resonates with them.”
Was it a cathartic thing to document your experiences?
“It wasn’t particularly cathartic. It was a hard slog in the midst of trying to do my
work. To go through the process of recalling and trying to order my thoughts of
16, 17 years ago. I think it was a valuable experience to do it and I think that the
product is one that I can be proud of.”
Do you think it is important for sports figures, musicians, politicians to come out at
the height of their careers. Perhaps to set an example of how successful you can
be in this world and does this benefit the LGBT community?
“I think having more role models is better. I think the idea that if everybody in
these top positions came out all at once would be a tremendous thing. There’s
an element of truth to that in an “Am I Blue?” type of way. The problem is, when it’
s just ten people there’s the tall poppy syndrome where I think we’d end up with
a lot of martyrs. It shouldn’t take people losing their lives or even losing their jobs
and, to me, the idea that a sportsperson would make, you know a football player
in Britain or a basketball player in America would make people change their
minds about homophobia seems absurd to me. When we’ve had young people
killing themselves on a daily basis. The evidence of that is in newspapers and on
the web every day and yet that seems not to pluck at the heartstrings of society.
If the death of an innocent doesn’t do it then why would a gay football player?”
I wondered if showing a greater diversity of gay people might help to show that
there’s a balance there and not necessarily the stereotypes that are shown in the
media.
“Again, that doesn’t change the fact that if that person then comes out and
loses their endorsements, team-mates react badly...what message does that
send?”
Your “coming out” did facilitate an enormous amount of public discussion on the
subject of sexuality and sport. Is that what you’d anticipated at the time?
“Yes, it was important but also in a way whether it be because of my
background or because of my career in psychology I felt very equipped to
handle whatever came. And not all people will feel so equipped. Not all football
players or barristers or whatever profession we’re talking about will feel as able
to explain themselves, to stand up for their position. I managed to maintain the
conversation above the beltline and keep it somewhat cerebral”
I think that’s what has helped the discussion move forward...
“What happens if it is your favourite football player who perhaps is not as good at
making that same point?”
That’s right. It has to be done eloquently and with a level head; more cerebral,
seeing different perspectives and trying to understand where other people are
coming from in their perceptions, which is what you have done in previous
interviews.
“Not always successfully. There have definitely been points where I’ve been
pushed past irritation and not handled myself as well as I would have liked. It’s a
far more difficult task than most people imagine.”
Did you become a broadcaster and writer in order to speak out about the
there’s a balance there and not necessarily the stereotypes that are shown in the
media.
“Again, that doesn’t change the fact that if that person then comes out and
loses their endorsements, team-mates react badly...what message does that
send?”
Your “coming out” did facilitate an enormous amount of public discussion on the
subject of sexuality and sport. Is that what you’d anticipated at the time?
“Yes, it was important but also in a way whether it be because of my
background or because of my career in psychology I felt very equipped to
handle whatever came. And not all people will feel so equipped. Not all football
players or barristers or whatever profession we’re talking about will feel as able
to explain themselves, to stand up for their position. I managed to maintain the
conversation above the beltline and keep it somewhat cerebral”
I think that’s what has helped the discussion move forward...
“What happens if it is your favourite football player who perhaps is not as good at
making that same point?”
That’s right. It has to be done eloquently and with a level head; more cerebral,
seeing different perspectives and trying to understand where other people are
coming from in their perceptions, which is what you have done in previous
interviews.
“Not always successfully. There have definitely been points where I’ve been
pushed past irritation and not handled myself as well as I would have liked. It’s a
far more difficult task than most people imagine.”
Did you become a broadcaster and writer in order to speak out about the
homophobia which prevails in society? Was this the main motivation and are there
other reasons why you have gone into this area of work?
“The work I do with APS, my company, is far more broad and the work in the
media is far more broad. I’m also black, I have a Nigerian father, mixed race, 6’
9”...there are so many other factors; identity is more nuance than the media will
allow us necessarily to say. The idea that my one sole purpose would be to tell
people that homophobia is the most important of issues, above racism, above
misogyny...I treat all the heads of this monster as equally reprehensible.”
Has society moved forward with regards to racism and sexism?
“No, bigots have become more sophisticated. You can no longer put a little tag
on the corner of a CV that suggests that, “this person is from Jamaica”, but that
doesn’t change the fact that there are huge discrepancies in hiring and in pay
for black people versus white. It doesn’t explain the fact, especially with this new
legislation for medium to large size businesses, people will be shocked when they
see the discrepancy in pay between women and men.”
“It all has to be addressed. People love to make a hierarchy and decide which
bits are most important to address. If there’s an organisation out there that does
work for equality, if they decide that one area is more important to tackle they
are implicitly saying that another is less important.”
“You can’t say the “N” word. We’ve seen it in schools. You can’t say the “N”
word in school without a teacher then having you pulled up, suspended and
possibly excluded. But “Gay” is du jour; photocopiers are gay, textbooks are gay,
homework is gay. The implicit message that they get, young people who get
away with saying that amongst other things, is that that’s okay. ”
We discuss where this use of the word came from.
“It’s clear where that came from. A word doesn’t get associated with everything
other reasons why you have gone into this area of work?
“The work I do with APS, my company, is far more broad and the work in the
media is far more broad. I’m also black, I have a Nigerian father, mixed race, 6’
9”...there are so many other factors; identity is more nuance than the media will
allow us necessarily to say. The idea that my one sole purpose would be to tell
people that homophobia is the most important of issues, above racism, above
misogyny...I treat all the heads of this monster as equally reprehensible.”
Has society moved forward with regards to racism and sexism?
“No, bigots have become more sophisticated. You can no longer put a little tag
on the corner of a CV that suggests that, “this person is from Jamaica”, but that
doesn’t change the fact that there are huge discrepancies in hiring and in pay
for black people versus white. It doesn’t explain the fact, especially with this new
legislation for medium to large size businesses, people will be shocked when they
see the discrepancy in pay between women and men.”
“It all has to be addressed. People love to make a hierarchy and decide which
bits are most important to address. If there’s an organisation out there that does
work for equality, if they decide that one area is more important to tackle they
are implicitly saying that another is less important.”
“You can’t say the “N” word. We’ve seen it in schools. You can’t say the “N”
word in school without a teacher then having you pulled up, suspended and
possibly excluded. But “Gay” is du jour; photocopiers are gay, textbooks are gay,
homework is gay. The implicit message that they get, young people who get
away with saying that amongst other things, is that that’s okay. ”
We discuss where this use of the word came from.
“It’s clear where that came from. A word doesn’t get associated with everything
bad, awful, wrong, terrible, anything derogatory you can think of without the
people that the word represents being seen in that light too. Let’s not pretend it’
s some kind of organic natural evolution of this word on it’s own. It is the likes of
Chris Moyles, it is the likes of these people in the media as well popularising that
terminology. It is also the fault of all of us that every time that word is used in the
incorrect way we don’t say, “Hey, that’s not the correct word to use”. If you
mean you hate this homework because it’s difficult, because you think it’s unfair,
because you think you haven’t got the material right, then say that.”
So, it’s laziness in the use of language...
“It’s not just laziness. It’s also the fact that if you are a white person who stands
up for black people, people look at you as bold and you’ve got a sense of
credibility about yourself, if you are a man who stands up for a woman, you’re
seen as progressive and bold and probably eminently more dateable most likely!
But, if you are a straight person who stands up for a gay person, none of those
things apply. You’re just, all of a sudden, suspected of being gay.”
Who were your role models as you were growing up and did you have any
mentors perhaps?
“My mother, would be my most basic answer to that.”
Why was that, what was it about your mother’s character that has made her a role
model to you?
“I saw the way that people responded to her. She was a well-loved General
Practitioner in Stockport and I used to go on visits with her and watch how she
interacted with her patients, spent time and took a great deal of care not just in
their medical history but in a pastoral care sense. Also the fact that she coped
against enormous pressure and difficulties, a life that was very challenging and
yet she always seemed to manage to come out on top.”
people that the word represents being seen in that light too. Let’s not pretend it’
s some kind of organic natural evolution of this word on it’s own. It is the likes of
Chris Moyles, it is the likes of these people in the media as well popularising that
terminology. It is also the fault of all of us that every time that word is used in the
incorrect way we don’t say, “Hey, that’s not the correct word to use”. If you
mean you hate this homework because it’s difficult, because you think it’s unfair,
because you think you haven’t got the material right, then say that.”
So, it’s laziness in the use of language...
“It’s not just laziness. It’s also the fact that if you are a white person who stands
up for black people, people look at you as bold and you’ve got a sense of
credibility about yourself, if you are a man who stands up for a woman, you’re
seen as progressive and bold and probably eminently more dateable most likely!
But, if you are a straight person who stands up for a gay person, none of those
things apply. You’re just, all of a sudden, suspected of being gay.”
Who were your role models as you were growing up and did you have any
mentors perhaps?
“My mother, would be my most basic answer to that.”
Why was that, what was it about your mother’s character that has made her a role
model to you?
“I saw the way that people responded to her. She was a well-loved General
Practitioner in Stockport and I used to go on visits with her and watch how she
interacted with her patients, spent time and took a great deal of care not just in
their medical history but in a pastoral care sense. Also the fact that she coped
against enormous pressure and difficulties, a life that was very challenging and
yet she always seemed to manage to come out on top.”
That certainly comes across when I’ve seen you being interviewed. There’s that
character trait which comes across, there’s an empathy, an understanding of the
wider world and the individuals within it. Is that what you mean about your mother
and the care that she would give to patients, that additional care that not all GP’s
necessarily put into place?
“Yeah. For me it was very clear that she felt that it was a huge part of her job to
make sure that people felt safe, more able to cope and more in control.”
Which other role models would you have beyond family?
“Oh yes, there’s a basketball coach, a man called Joe Forber who runs my centre
in Manchester. Then I’ve been very lucky in a sense that I’ve chosen well the
coaches that I’ve had over time, certainly in the amateur settings while I was in
university and High School in America as well. With both the additional coaches I
had in University and High School in America, along with Joe, I’ve had a very
good example of diligence and hard work and consistent effort...and also a well-
rounded picture; I never had a coach at that point in the amateur ranks who
didn’t totally endorse my idea that being great at basketball and not being
great at anything else would be a real waste. I didn’t have any coach who
scoffed at the idea of academic excellence going hand in hand with sporting
prowess.”
You’ve spoken in other interviews about how basketball was something that you
did that had value and has value but you’d always known that you wanted to study
psychology.
“Precisely. I think one of the huge mistakes and certainly the downfalls, the
pitfalls in sport is when people’s occupation becomes their definition. I think it’s
just a recipe for disaster.”
We have to be fully rounded people and, not to have a back up plan but, to
have more to you that you have options in life, different choices in life that you
character trait which comes across, there’s an empathy, an understanding of the
wider world and the individuals within it. Is that what you mean about your mother
and the care that she would give to patients, that additional care that not all GP’s
necessarily put into place?
“Yeah. For me it was very clear that she felt that it was a huge part of her job to
make sure that people felt safe, more able to cope and more in control.”
Which other role models would you have beyond family?
“Oh yes, there’s a basketball coach, a man called Joe Forber who runs my centre
in Manchester. Then I’ve been very lucky in a sense that I’ve chosen well the
coaches that I’ve had over time, certainly in the amateur settings while I was in
university and High School in America as well. With both the additional coaches I
had in University and High School in America, along with Joe, I’ve had a very
good example of diligence and hard work and consistent effort...and also a well-
rounded picture; I never had a coach at that point in the amateur ranks who
didn’t totally endorse my idea that being great at basketball and not being
great at anything else would be a real waste. I didn’t have any coach who
scoffed at the idea of academic excellence going hand in hand with sporting
prowess.”
You’ve spoken in other interviews about how basketball was something that you
did that had value and has value but you’d always known that you wanted to study
psychology.
“Precisely. I think one of the huge mistakes and certainly the downfalls, the
pitfalls in sport is when people’s occupation becomes their definition. I think it’s
just a recipe for disaster.”
We have to be fully rounded people and, not to have a back up plan but, to
have more to you that you have options in life, different choices in life that you
can make. Certainly in sports, the career won’t last forever.
“Yes, for sure, and even if it did last for a good long time, there’s still an element
of what you do after that. If it lasts for a good long time, that could still only be
for 10 years, or 15 years.
Can you remember a specific time in your life when an adult said or did something
which changed you for the better, something which changed your perceptions of
yourself or what you aspired to do with you life?
“Yes. Several. Certainly when I first said to my mother about going to America
and playing basketball she asked me if I would recognise my soul in the dark.”
What did she mean by this?
“That most people never know anything beyond the trappings of themselves.
They don’t know who they are at their core. They know themselves by their labels,
by their relationships with other people, by their job titles and descriptions, by the
clothes they wear, their physical appearance is how they define themselves.
Soul in the dark is a question of would you recognise yourself stripped of that?”
Why is it important, do you think, for young people to have role models?
“One of the things about a person who is trying to achieve a goal that is difficult
is that they need visibility...where standard goal setting doesn’t work if the
distance from your goal is really huge. If someone has come from a very
impoverished background and is trying to do something extraordinary, the more
difficult a journey one is going on the more visible an image of what you what to
achieve you need. Inspiration and also to see that it’s possible. That’s why role
models are valuable. Like in America, Barak Obama is such an important figure
because he shows people that what was previously thought impossible is
doable.”
“Yes, for sure, and even if it did last for a good long time, there’s still an element
of what you do after that. If it lasts for a good long time, that could still only be
for 10 years, or 15 years.
Can you remember a specific time in your life when an adult said or did something
which changed you for the better, something which changed your perceptions of
yourself or what you aspired to do with you life?
“Yes. Several. Certainly when I first said to my mother about going to America
and playing basketball she asked me if I would recognise my soul in the dark.”
What did she mean by this?
“That most people never know anything beyond the trappings of themselves.
They don’t know who they are at their core. They know themselves by their labels,
by their relationships with other people, by their job titles and descriptions, by the
clothes they wear, their physical appearance is how they define themselves.
Soul in the dark is a question of would you recognise yourself stripped of that?”
Why is it important, do you think, for young people to have role models?
“One of the things about a person who is trying to achieve a goal that is difficult
is that they need visibility...where standard goal setting doesn’t work if the
distance from your goal is really huge. If someone has come from a very
impoverished background and is trying to do something extraordinary, the more
difficult a journey one is going on the more visible an image of what you what to
achieve you need. Inspiration and also to see that it’s possible. That’s why role
models are valuable. Like in America, Barak Obama is such an important figure
because he shows people that what was previously thought impossible is
doable.”
There certainly is a move forward in American society that an African-American
can be elected.
“Oh, definitely a step in the right direction. We have to be careful about getting
too self-congratulatory about it. There are still an element of people who are
straining themselves to pat themselves on the back. “We elected him despite
the fact that he is black” is not necessarily any more healthy than not electing
him.”
No, and making an issue of that...I know that this was a landmark in the history of
America...it’s making an issue of that part of who he is and not, like you say,
seeing his soul in the dark. What is he really made up of, what is the core of that
man?
“I think he is remarkable because he is an intellect, he understands nuance and
you could almost say for the last 25 years there’s not been someone in the White
House who understands and embraces nuance, who understands that not giving
them a 10 word sound bite answer is not a crime. I would suggest that he is not
just a role model for black kids in America, he is a role model for any number of
people; the kid who is being picked on because he is interested in science and
politics in school or whatever else.”
Are we beginning to see a greater diversity of characters in the media, not just
with regards to LGBT characters but with ethnic minorities and so on...are we
getting away from stereotypes?
“It is growing. I think the reality is that you still see, in most cases, people defined
by their interest. So, most of the black people within the BBC are either in sports
or they are on One Extra, Five Live or the Urban channels. Look at television and
the representation of LGBT people, there aren’t that many examples.
What would you say to a family who are finding it hard to come to terms with a
child who has recently come out?
can be elected.
“Oh, definitely a step in the right direction. We have to be careful about getting
too self-congratulatory about it. There are still an element of people who are
straining themselves to pat themselves on the back. “We elected him despite
the fact that he is black” is not necessarily any more healthy than not electing
him.”
No, and making an issue of that...I know that this was a landmark in the history of
America...it’s making an issue of that part of who he is and not, like you say,
seeing his soul in the dark. What is he really made up of, what is the core of that
man?
“I think he is remarkable because he is an intellect, he understands nuance and
you could almost say for the last 25 years there’s not been someone in the White
House who understands and embraces nuance, who understands that not giving
them a 10 word sound bite answer is not a crime. I would suggest that he is not
just a role model for black kids in America, he is a role model for any number of
people; the kid who is being picked on because he is interested in science and
politics in school or whatever else.”
Are we beginning to see a greater diversity of characters in the media, not just
with regards to LGBT characters but with ethnic minorities and so on...are we
getting away from stereotypes?
“It is growing. I think the reality is that you still see, in most cases, people defined
by their interest. So, most of the black people within the BBC are either in sports
or they are on One Extra, Five Live or the Urban channels. Look at television and
the representation of LGBT people, there aren’t that many examples.
What would you say to a family who are finding it hard to come to terms with a
child who has recently come out?
| . |
“There are two sides to this. The young person’s side is that, I would say –
remember patience with your family, even if their knee-jerk reaction is one which
really disappoints, remember patience because just as coming out has a
gestation period (for some people it’s a couple of days and then BOOM they’re
ready, for other people years), parents and families have a process to go through
too, we should give them a bit of leeway to work through things by giving them
as much information as they need, by being very patient and helping them come
to conclusions.”
That’s right. The person who is coming-out has had time to think and reflect upon
their sexuality, whereas for the family this is a brand new piece of information. What
advice would you offer to a young person who is struggling to come to terms with
their sexual orientation?
“What they need to do is reach out and find a resource, a support person or
network that can offer them a soundboard. Not necessarily to tell them anything
specific; someone or some network where you can talk out your thoughts and
ideas and your fears and your worries and have someone compassionate and
understanding be on the other end of that. It’s very important for people to find
a connection, to share their burden. This is applicable in many different
circumstances, certainly with coming out.”
Do you think that society is moving forward? I know that we’ve spoken about the
use of the “gay” word but do you think that society is moving forward, particularly
the younger generation in how they see people who may be different to
themselves?
“I think society is moving forwards and young people are definitely a different
commodity when it comes to looking at differences, regardless of what they are.
The main problem with that, however, is that young people have relatively a lot
less power in society and that power is still concentrated in a lot of people who
haven’t really changed over the last 30 years, or even 20 years. When you are
thinking about societal change, a lot of times people tell you to be patient
remember patience with your family, even if their knee-jerk reaction is one which
really disappoints, remember patience because just as coming out has a
gestation period (for some people it’s a couple of days and then BOOM they’re
ready, for other people years), parents and families have a process to go through
too, we should give them a bit of leeway to work through things by giving them
as much information as they need, by being very patient and helping them come
to conclusions.”
That’s right. The person who is coming-out has had time to think and reflect upon
their sexuality, whereas for the family this is a brand new piece of information. What
advice would you offer to a young person who is struggling to come to terms with
their sexual orientation?
“What they need to do is reach out and find a resource, a support person or
network that can offer them a soundboard. Not necessarily to tell them anything
specific; someone or some network where you can talk out your thoughts and
ideas and your fears and your worries and have someone compassionate and
understanding be on the other end of that. It’s very important for people to find
a connection, to share their burden. This is applicable in many different
circumstances, certainly with coming out.”
Do you think that society is moving forward? I know that we’ve spoken about the
use of the “gay” word but do you think that society is moving forward, particularly
the younger generation in how they see people who may be different to
themselves?
“I think society is moving forwards and young people are definitely a different
commodity when it comes to looking at differences, regardless of what they are.
The main problem with that, however, is that young people have relatively a lot
less power in society and that power is still concentrated in a lot of people who
haven’t really changed over the last 30 years, or even 20 years. When you are
thinking about societal change, a lot of times people tell you to be patient
| . |
because what they are suggesting is what we should do is wait for these bigots
to die...and I don’t think that’s a terribly proactive option.
The reason that Obama used the word “Change” in his campaign is that it is so
much more evocative and meaningful than “Progress”. What we are talking
about here is progress. There’s been a lot of progress over the last 10 or 20 years
but when that progress becomes tangible to the majority, then we can start
looking at it as something monumental and noteworthy. Progress is just progress
whilst children hang themselves because they get bullied at school and
teachers don’t intervene, or don’t intervene enough. If the job of the teacher is
to educate, then it is also to make sure that the atmosphere in the school is
conducive to education and, clearly, if you feel victimized, if you feel unsafe, if
you don’t feel emotionally protected then it doesn’t matter how brilliant your
teachers are, you will not learn.
Neither Victim nor Villain
Identifying as LGBT need not, in itself, be an issue. What does impact upon
someone who identifies as LGB or T is the discrimination and/or oppression from
and by society. Portrayals or representations of homosexuals in the media also
have a powerful effect and a lack of family support can destroy the developing
identity to a point where self-esteem is low and true potential is not fulfilled.
We all have a moral duty to nurture and support our children, to understand their
needs and their vulnerabilities. If we fail in this obligation, the results, as we hear
daily, can be devastating; with children finding no better option than to harm
themselves in order to escape the intolerable despair resulting from perceived
or actual rejection, religious intolerance, harassment and a lack of any visible
positive inspirational figures.
Openly gay and successful role model figures, such as John Amaechi, play an
enormous part in highlighting the wealth of possibilities available to young
people. Amaechi, like those who have inspired him, is successfully modelling
to die...and I don’t think that’s a terribly proactive option.
The reason that Obama used the word “Change” in his campaign is that it is so
much more evocative and meaningful than “Progress”. What we are talking
about here is progress. There’s been a lot of progress over the last 10 or 20 years
but when that progress becomes tangible to the majority, then we can start
looking at it as something monumental and noteworthy. Progress is just progress
whilst children hang themselves because they get bullied at school and
teachers don’t intervene, or don’t intervene enough. If the job of the teacher is
to educate, then it is also to make sure that the atmosphere in the school is
conducive to education and, clearly, if you feel victimized, if you feel unsafe, if
you don’t feel emotionally protected then it doesn’t matter how brilliant your
teachers are, you will not learn.
Neither Victim nor Villain
Identifying as LGBT need not, in itself, be an issue. What does impact upon
someone who identifies as LGB or T is the discrimination and/or oppression from
and by society. Portrayals or representations of homosexuals in the media also
have a powerful effect and a lack of family support can destroy the developing
identity to a point where self-esteem is low and true potential is not fulfilled.
We all have a moral duty to nurture and support our children, to understand their
needs and their vulnerabilities. If we fail in this obligation, the results, as we hear
daily, can be devastating; with children finding no better option than to harm
themselves in order to escape the intolerable despair resulting from perceived
or actual rejection, religious intolerance, harassment and a lack of any visible
positive inspirational figures.
Openly gay and successful role model figures, such as John Amaechi, play an
enormous part in highlighting the wealth of possibilities available to young
people. Amaechi, like those who have inspired him, is successfully modelling
| . |
character traits such as determination, diligence, clear vision and a consistent
effort to improve and develop himself; such admirable qualities can only serve
to inspire and encourage the younger generation to lead a balanced, fulfilling
and dignified life.
More information on John Amaechi can be found at: www.johnamaechi.com
CLICK HERE for more David Watters
David Watters is a freelance writer and teacher,
based in the UK, who is currently researching two
books, “Never Blend In: The Harvey Milk Legacy”
and a yet to be titled book on LGBT Role Models.
His research, which aims to highlight and tackle
the issue of teenage suicide and the
disenfranchisement felt by many LGBT individuals,
is supported by PFLAG, FFLAG (UK), The Trevor
Project, the Gay Police Association (GPA) and
Schools OUT (UK). Through interviews with a wide
range of prominent LGBT people, including those
who represent the great diversity within the artistic, political and sporting
communities, he hopes to guide readers toward the knowledge and belief that
there are a variety of paths which they may take in life and that there are many
positive role models who can inspire them to follow their aspirations. As Stephen
Fry said, “ At all times, but especially as an adolescent, you need to be told, “You
are not alone” – there is no more positive and euphoric feeling than the
discovery that others, including people of courage, genius, insight, passion,
talent and charm felt the kind of feelings you feel. Especially when society,
effort to improve and develop himself; such admirable qualities can only serve
to inspire and encourage the younger generation to lead a balanced, fulfilling
and dignified life.
More information on John Amaechi can be found at: www.johnamaechi.com
CLICK HERE for more David Watters
David Watters is a freelance writer and teacher,
based in the UK, who is currently researching two
books, “Never Blend In: The Harvey Milk Legacy”
and a yet to be titled book on LGBT Role Models.
His research, which aims to highlight and tackle
the issue of teenage suicide and the
disenfranchisement felt by many LGBT individuals,
is supported by PFLAG, FFLAG (UK), The Trevor
Project, the Gay Police Association (GPA) and
Schools OUT (UK). Through interviews with a wide
range of prominent LGBT people, including those
who represent the great diversity within the artistic, political and sporting
communities, he hopes to guide readers toward the knowledge and belief that
there are a variety of paths which they may take in life and that there are many
positive role models who can inspire them to follow their aspirations. As Stephen
Fry said, “ At all times, but especially as an adolescent, you need to be told, “You
are not alone” – there is no more positive and euphoric feeling than the
discovery that others, including people of courage, genius, insight, passion,
talent and charm felt the kind of feelings you feel. Especially when society,
| . |
religion and the world tell you that those feelings are wrong.” Stuart Milk,
nephew of Harvey Milk and political activist, has said, “I love your work, which is
vital to show the richness of embracing and celebrating our wonderful diversity.
As Harvey would say, you’re bringing medicine into the world that the world
needs! Thank you!” Those interviewed so far include actor and writer Stephen
Fry, Dan Nicoletta (LGBT civil rights photographer and Milk protégé), Darren
Hayes (Savage Garden), Ben Patrick Johnson (Voice-over actor, author, and
commentator/activist), Rich Overton (CEO, RJO Artist Relations & Management),
Del Shores (writer of Sordid Lives), Justin Reed Early (Writer of Streetchild: An
Unpaved Passage, who spent his childhood as a homeless youth on the streets of
Seattle and was a credited participant in the Academy Award-nominated
movie, STREETWISE), Herb Sosa (Community activist, Miami historian,
preservationist, freelance writer and President of Unity Coalition|Coalición
Unida) and Marcus Patrick who identifies as heterosexual but “bi-loving” said, “I
love the depth of spirit. I like the direction your questions are heading” and in
response to the question “Have you ever felt inspired to improve your life as a
result of the example set by someone you personally knew?” he added, “I always
feel inspired by someone everyday. I think we should learn something new each
day from anywhere or anyone. I'm inspired right now, by you, answering your
intelligent questions Mr. David Watters. It's not often I get to answer some great
meaningful questions. Often it's always about sex or training. So Bravo!!!”
Copyright 2009|David Watters & Ambiente.
Do not reproduce without prior authorization.
nephew of Harvey Milk and political activist, has said, “I love your work, which is
vital to show the richness of embracing and celebrating our wonderful diversity.
As Harvey would say, you’re bringing medicine into the world that the world
needs! Thank you!” Those interviewed so far include actor and writer Stephen
Fry, Dan Nicoletta (LGBT civil rights photographer and Milk protégé), Darren
Hayes (Savage Garden), Ben Patrick Johnson (Voice-over actor, author, and
commentator/activist), Rich Overton (CEO, RJO Artist Relations & Management),
Del Shores (writer of Sordid Lives), Justin Reed Early (Writer of Streetchild: An
Unpaved Passage, who spent his childhood as a homeless youth on the streets of
Seattle and was a credited participant in the Academy Award-nominated
movie, STREETWISE), Herb Sosa (Community activist, Miami historian,
preservationist, freelance writer and President of Unity Coalition|Coalición
Unida) and Marcus Patrick who identifies as heterosexual but “bi-loving” said, “I
love the depth of spirit. I like the direction your questions are heading” and in
response to the question “Have you ever felt inspired to improve your life as a
result of the example set by someone you personally knew?” he added, “I always
feel inspired by someone everyday. I think we should learn something new each
day from anywhere or anyone. I'm inspired right now, by you, answering your
intelligent questions Mr. David Watters. It's not often I get to answer some great
meaningful questions. Often it's always about sex or training. So Bravo!!!”
Copyright 2009|David Watters & Ambiente.
Do not reproduce without prior authorization.
